Exploring our longing for safety and the One who meets it
Security is something we all long for, whether we name it or not. It shapes how we react to words spoken over us, how we respond to loss, uncertainty, or rejection, and even how we relate to God when life feels unsafe or unanswered.
This reflection invites you to pause and consider where your own sense of security comes from, what threatens it, how you protect it, and whether it is strong enough to hold you when life feels most fragile.
As human explanations and psychological insights are explored, the deeper question remains: where can true, lasting security be found?
Our own sense of security is a deeply embedded need – call it ‘survival instinct’ if you like. When we begin to feel a threat to any aspect of our safety, then thinking and behaviours for our own self-preservation ‘kick in’. So why are we ‘wired’ that way, what is it that shapes our need for secure attachment and how is it ultimately fulfilled?
MY NEED FOR SECURITY (Self Awareness)
| Threat | Selected Behaviour Or Thought | Strength Of Agreement 0-10 (10 being high) |
| An unkind word by a someone at church | I’d better be wary of that person and avoid them | |
| An unfair judgement at work | I need to prove my innocence or I may lose my job | |
| A gang waiting at a corner | This looks unsafe so I’ll turn around | |
| A car heading at a puddle by you | They’re trying to get me – I must get their numberplate | |
| A friend breaks up with you | I feel so hurt – I must mend this at any cost | |
| Feeling unloved by family | Is it me or is it them? They need to understand what’s happening | |
| A parent shows irritation at you | How typical – you should love me not push me away | |
| My mother has died | My world is finished – I cannot face another day without her | |
| The doctor wants further tests | How bad is it? Am I going to die? | |
| An unanswered prayer | God, where are You? How can I trust You? |
Total __________
Scores
0 – 30 Are you human?!
31 – 80 You certainly are human.
81 – 90 You have a very strong need for security but how secure do you feel in God’s love for you as His child?
The World’s Offering
However you scored yourself, there will be two views about the reasons for those scores. The first is offered to you by psychoanalysts. They will want to look at your emotions and behaviours, using various methodologies to help you better understand yourself. One of these would likely be ‘Attachment Theory’ which makes for interesting reflection. Attachment theory considers how early relationships with caregivers shape a person’s emotional development, sense of safety, and patterns of relating throughout life. It remains one of the most influential frameworks in psychology for understanding behaviour, emotions, and relationships, grounded in the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s. The Attachment Project provides a free quiz with results for your further reflection: https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/
The Four Main Attachment Styles
These styles describe typical patterns of relating in close relationships:
1. Secure Attachment
· Caregiver in child development is responsive and consistent
· Adult pattern: comfortable with closeness, able to trust, balanced independence
2. Avoidant (Dismissive) Attachment
· Caregiver: emotionally distant or rejecting
· Adult pattern: values independence, avoids emotional closeness, suppresses vulnerability
3. Ambivalent / Anxious Attachment
· Caregiver: inconsistent, unpredictable
· Adult pattern: fears abandonment, seeks reassurance, emotional intensity
4. Disorganized Attachment
· Caregiver: frightening, chaotic, or unsafe
· Adult pattern: confusion around intimacy, difficulty regulating emotions
These categories are still widely used in therapy, research, and pastoral care to understand relational struggles.
God’s Offering
Interesting although human theories are, surely we can learn more from the One Who made humans in His Own image with all our complexity. God made us for relationship and set us in families to provide us with secure attachments, friendships and nurturing. The sad fact is that many children grow up feeling insecure, unloved and unable to fulfil their full potential because of failed relationships with parents, with families and an inability to relate well with others or to acknowledge our need for God. The choice we have is to continue trying to make sense of our broken worlds by ourselves or to consider the gift God offers in the person of His Son Jesus. He can give us the secure attachment that we long for to help restore our broken relationships. It was when we were in our deepest mess that God first moved towards us
Ground Breakers
The echoes of these two biblical truths still reverberate loudly. In the middle of the mess, this is what happened for your sake:
- ‘But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us’ – Romans 5:8
- ‘For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life’ – John 3:26
Six Things About God You Need To Know
The commitment that God gives to those who trust Him will follow them all the days of their life. Yes, there are these two amazing ‘ground-breaking’ truths that made your initial acceptance into God’s family possible but read these verses from God’s Word that show the extent of His commitment to you as a Father:
God is ready to restore
• Isaiah 57:15 — God dwells ‘with the contrite and lowly in spirit’ to revive them.
• Joel 2:12–13 — ‘Return to Me with all your heart… for He is gracious and compassionate.’
• Hosea 6:1 — ‘Come, let us return to the Lord; He has torn us, but He will heal us.’
God is merciful to a returning wanderer
• Jeremiah 3:22 — ‘Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding.’
• Lamentations 3:22–23 — His mercies are new every morning, even after failure.
God restores through repentance
• Psalm 51:10–12 — David’s cry: ‘Create in me a clean heart… restore to me the joy of Your salvation.’
• Acts 3:19 — ‘Repent… that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.’
God draws near when we do
• James 4:8 — ‘Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.’
• Zechariah 1:3 — ‘Return to Me… and I will return to you.’
God restores identity and belonging
• Luke 15:20 — The father runs to the returning son.
• 1 John 1:9 — ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive… and cleanse.’
God rebuilds what was broken
• Psalm 23:3 — ‘He restores my soul.’
• 1 Peter 5:10 — After suffering, God Himself will ‘restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.’
Fearfully And Wonderfully Made
This is how David described every human to be – Psalm 139:14. We are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-17) with a desperate longing for relationship with Him as our Father (Ecclesiastes 3:11) which is fulfilled when we become spiritually alive to God in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17). Truly, fearfully and wonderfully made.
All God’s Best Plans
These are fulfilled in you and for you through Christ Jesus. Stuart Townend has written a compelling and beautiful song to help contemplate God’s best plans for you which you can watch: ‘In Christ Alone’
For further reading:
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