Understanding why the passing of time often uncovers deeper pain after losing someone you love
We often expect grief to fade neatly with the calendar, yet the passing of time often does the exact opposite – highlighting just how long it has been since we last saw the person we lost. When the distance between today and your cherished memories feels overwhelming, know that your grief is simply a reflection of your enduring love. Read on for a tender perspective on processing long-term loss, finding comfort when time feels heavy, and holding onto the promise of eternal restoration.
The old saying goes that “time heals all wounds” and, whilst this may be true for the most part, when grieving the loss of a loved one, the passing of time can often uncover more pain as the distance between you and the last beautiful memory of the loved one you lost becomes increasingly lengthy.
This November (2026) will mark 14 years since I lost my grandfather to an extremely aggressive form of dementia, and – coincidentally – 14 years since I gave birth to my daughter.
My grandad was my guiding light; I never knew my father, and so grandad was always the one I looked up to – he and my Nana were extremely active, supportive and loving influences growing up, and were more like my parents than my grandparents.
A quietly Christian, high ranking officer in the RAF, my grandad only ever spoke about God and his feelings when you took the time to ask him targeted questions; he strongly believed that faith is personal and individual, and you should never pry or judge.
He wasn’t perfect, but I loved the very bones of him and he, me.
So, it broke my heart when – at 69 years old and the day after his 49th wedding anniversary – 16 days before his 70th birthday, he passed away – leaving behind a wound I never thought would heal.
And, for years I struggled to talk about him with anyone, to think of him without feeling this lingering, intense emotional pain and sadness or to hear others speak of him without feeling irrationally irritated and willing them to stop.
As my daughter grew up; the day she was born, 12 days following his passing, the day she took her first steps, her first day of school, her first school trip, her first holiday abroad, the first ‘A’ she got in maths… all of life’s typical milestones and reasons to celebrate would always leave a tiny part of me feeling sad that I couldn’t share them with him, because I know how proud he’d feel.
Even 2 years ago when my son was born.
I can think of a million things I long to tell him that I haven’t had the chance to!
And, about 4 years ago – approaching the 10 year anniversary of his death – I particularly struggled as I realised I couldn’t remember what his voice sounded like, it had been so long since I’d heard it.
Still now, writing this post, I’m upsetting myself thinking of him, all the things he’s missed over the years, and what I’d give to have one last conversation with him.
I think it’s important to acknowledge however, that grief doesn’t really ever leave us following loss, we merely learn to live with it and our lives grow around it.
And isn’t it something quite beautiful that we once loved someone so much that their loss is still felt decades later as we navigate the often simple events of mundane, everyday life?
Even Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35) in mourning for the loss of his friend.
Grief and mourning are all part of the human experience, and to grieve deeply is to have loved deeply. And what a gift that is.
And, although time may not heal all wounds, time does – I believe – allow us to see the beauty in those [figurative] wounds. Certainly, I can see now how lucky I was to have a grandad like him.
About the Author
Sophie is a freelance Content Specialist and proud mother of 2 wonderful children; new to the Christian faith, Sophie is excited to explore her relationship with God and the journey ahead.
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